The Funny Poem Book
The Wacky Publishing Company
John R. Williams Elementary School
Copyright 2001 Ó
TABLE OF CONTENTS
I Love Him Anyway
Goofball, stinkpot, pinhead, sneak
Devil, ninny, weirdo, freak.
Crackpot, lunkhead, weasel, worm,
Donkey, lamebrain, insect, germ.
Dumbcluck, dipstick, nitwit, dweeb,
Dingbat, bozo, fruitcake, feeb.
Moron, spacecase, swine, buffoon,
Dope, chump, snake, dork, wacko, loon.
Fathead, pukeface, blacksheep, skunk,
Psycho, dummy, big creep, punk.
Plus words I can't let mother hear
Which all describes my brother dear.
Santa needs new reindeer.
The first bunch has grown old.
Dasher has arthritis;
Comet hates the cold.
Prancers sick of staring
At Dancers big behind.
Cupid married Blitzen
And Donner lost his mind.
Dancers mad at Vixen
For stepping on his toes.
Vixens being thrown out
She laughed at Rudolph's nose
If you are a reindeer
We hope you will apply
There is one tricky part
You must know how to fly.
How I Quit Sucking My Thumb
My mother says it's childish and
my father says it's dumb—
whenever they discover that
I'm sucking on my thumb.
It's such a silly thing to do,
as everybody knows.
So now instead of sucking it
I stick it in my nose.
lcky, sticky, slimy sludge,A greasy, gloppy, grimy smudge,
Oozy, swampy puddle splatter,
Gooey, gunky cookie batter.
Dirty, filthy, mucky scum,
Gluey, stringy, tacky gum,
Meat and sauce from sloppy joes—
Time, I guess, to change my clothes.
In the window of the washroomAt our school yesterday,
A little bug was crawling
In its little buggy way.
I whispered in its tiny ear
To not make any noise;
Because it was a ladybug
And the washroom is for boys.
Willie the Burper
Some kids can talk like Donald Duck
Some know how to chirp.But Willie J. can swallow air
And then rip off a burp.
He'll belch at home and in the car
And at his grandma's, too.
His grandpa always laughs and says,
"That's what I used to do."
"It's not my fault," he tells his morn,
"That they're inside of me.
I feel them run around down there
And want to set them free."
It's hard to say what causes this,
But there's no use to try.
I wonder how a zillion burps
Fit in this little guy.
About the Collector
Stuart Lee is 8 years old. He lives in Stockton, California and attends John R. Williams Elementary School in the Lincoln Unified School District. He lives at home with his parents and sister. He is in the Third grade and enjoys playing video and computer games. He also has a healthy interest in sports of all kinds.